How to Respond to The Event

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Sprague Dawley
Posts: 96
Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2017 7:51 pm

How to Respond to The Event

Post by Sprague Dawley » Wed Mar 25, 2020 6:48 pm

Welcome to Gunston Coronavirus CDC Unit.


We are The Gunston Coronavirus CDC Unit.

We are here to answer all your FAQ questions.

We are here to save your fucken life.

$10 a question.
Payment in advance.

Still waiting cunt...

Righto, funds transferred, you may now read the FAQ below to save your fucken life.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is a novel coronavirus?

Probably some book or shit. Fucked if I know.

Why is the disease being called coronavirus disease 2019, COVID-19?

Well, what do you want to call it you fussy cunt? Fucken Operation Certain Death? Disney Tits On Ice? Fucken Ballsack Batcock 666?

Why might someone blame or avoid individuals and groups because of COVID-19?

Cos some Chinese wankers still stuck in the fucken medieval Dong Dynasty days thought pangolin semen soup might give them a bit of a fucken stiffy for 8 seconds. That's fucken why.

How can people help stop stigma related to COVID-19?

Buy ALL their pangolin-bumfucking-a-bat t-shirts from China. Good for their economy!

What is the source of the virus?

I'm no Michelin chef but putting sauce on pangolin semen soup seems a bit fucken redundant to me.

How does the virus spread?

Fuck knows. Maybe like vegemite?

Can someone who has had COVID-19 spread the illness to others?

Why, you fucken got it? You bat-fucking cunt. Stay the fuck away from me.

Can someone who has been quarantined for COVID-19 spread the illness to others?

What the fuck is "COVID-19"? Is that the new Corona virus? Great. Just fucken great. Now there's two of the fucken things.

Can the virus that causes COVID-19 be spread through food, including refrigerated or frozen food?

You got any pies in there? Fuck I'm hungry.

What is community spread?

It's wehn you share your vegemite with other cunts

Am I at risk for COVID-19 in the United States?

Oh, fuck no. Hollywood = happy ending.

Has anyone in the United States gotten infected?

Infected with what?

Am I at risk for COVID-19 from a package or products shipping from China?

You got any of that pangolin semen soup? I heard its good for erectile dysfunction. It's for my friend.

Should I be tested for COVID-19?

Shit no. You're a lost cause.

Can a person test negative and later test positive for COVID-19?

Why, did you fucken cheat the first time? Lives are at stake here you cheating cunt.

Am I at risk if I go to a funeral or visitation service for someone who died of COVID-19?

Make sure you don't cum inside the corpse or you'll get Corona AIDS.

Am I at risk if I touch someone who died of COVID-19 after they have passed away?

If by "touch" you mean "root" then the answer is no. I mean, yes.

What do Funeral Home Workers need to know about handling decedents who had COVID-19?

Don't cum inside their arses. Finish up on the chest.

My family member died from COVID-19 while overseas. What are the requirements for returning the body to the United States?

What is CDC doing about COVID-19?

What's it to you? Nosey cunt.

Can I travel to the United States with dogs or import dogs into the United States during the COVID-19 outbreak?

Why, you making some dog-rooting vids? I want in.

Righto, that's all the FAQ you need.

Good luck you wheezing, sneezing, gasping cunt.

We'll be seeing you soon.


User avatar
Sprague Dawley
Posts: 96
Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2017 7:51 pm

Re: How to Respond to The Event

Post by Sprague Dawley » Sun Mar 29, 2020 5:30 pm

Japan is literally the beach head with the tide withdrawn out into the ocean seconds before the fucking tsunami hits.

Like bovine-brained children they think it is not real until after it has happened. ... y-in-Chiba

FFFFFFSSS, was at my own Spazzmatron on Friday, no fucking surprise AT ALL the virus is fucking shit up at one of these places. My facility is in total fucking denial. ZERO social distancing. And obviously you can't get nutters to even wear facemasks, the poor drongos have no concept of whats going on. Vague discomfort for even a millisecond? Rip facemask off.

The place cant even have soap dispensers in the fucken bogs, they just gets ripped out and trashed. FFS these dudes need help wiping their own arses, its not like theyve got any concept of handwashing. So no soap for patients OR staff. Thats gotta be a health violation. I'm calling the cops.

My last "class" of the day, mostly severely handicapped teenage boys. Fuck me. Its bad enough at the best of times seeing as, being teenage boys, theyve all recently discovered they have dicks that suddenly have a stiffy capability and so now spend 90% of their time with both hands down the front of their pants.... and whipping it out... then wandering up and getting all friendly and touching me. Staff just laugh it off. Friday, thought I'd made it thru entire shift without the worst offender getting all touchy touchy wipey wipey on me then RIGHT at the end Cap'n Oblivion stands up and abruptly coughs right in my fucking face. Staff, zero cognizance. Jesus, just close this shit down Abe u fuk.

Camp Leader, averse to all medicine due to her anaphlactic shock thing or whatever it is, is terrified I'm gonna bring that shit home with me and rightfully so.

Fuck knows how they can close all the regular schools and leave these places open.

User avatar
Sprague Dawley
Posts: 96
Joined: Tue Nov 28, 2017 7:51 pm

Re: How to Respond to The Event

Post by Sprague Dawley » Tue Apr 07, 2020 6:38 pm


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